Red Rayne

Before we continue, I want to talk about some of my younger days, looong ago.

Let me introduce you to my best fried and closest comrade, Red Rayne.

Believe it or not, yes, I had a best friend. Even when life became hectic with visits to Hyrule, plotting its destruction, and marriage, she was always there, ready to get into trouble. She believed in me through thick and thin. She was the first member of my hand selected raid team.

I knew it was wrong, so much to the point I couldn't stop my heart from racing, or my hands from trembling. "What if we get caught? We'll be killed!" Her answer: "We're Gerudo thieves, we don't get caught." That's what she always said when she wanted to play a little prank. There was never any talking her out of it, and I was the only one dumb enough to play along. I have to admit, most of the time it was a load of fun.

Except, this time, she wanted to play a prank on our king.

I was around thirteen at the time. Rayne was a year or two younger, and admirably deceptive. Only we knew that she and I were the ones who left a pile of horse dung on Nabooru's bed, on more than one occasion. That still makes me smile with glee, to remember the way she screamed for an hour, trying to figure out who it was without directly blaming me. I easily admitted innocence, because it had been Rayne's idea.

But... Pulling a prank on the king was an entirely new level of trouble.

Her plan: Make Ganondorf squeal like a girl by littering his room with bugs. I bet her fifty rupees it wouldn't work, So, we had to test her theory.

The king's chamber did not have any windows. The only light was what bled in from the hallway. It was the safest room in the fortress. A few of us knew about the secret escape exit hidden behind the wall. The hearth, for light and heat, was built with a chimney to exit straight out the top of the fortress. The hole in the roof could be covered by a heavy metal door during our frequent sand storms. While Ganondorf was out alone to train his sorcery powers in the desert, we seized the opportunity to sneak into his room. I carried a bag of miscellaneous bugs and a bag with a few snakes. I hate spiders, so I gave Rayne the honor of handling the jar full of them. We had spent three days collecting all of these creatures for our prank. I tossed back the covers on Ganondorf's bed and shook out the bag of bugs all over the mattress. I dropped the bag of snakes in the wash room, and Rayne scattered the spiders throughout the room by shaking them out of the jar.

We both froze at the sound of heavy boots approaching. Ganondorf returned earlier than we anticipated. I was already panicked just being in his room when I wasn't supposed to be, so then I thought my heart was going to explode. Rayne snatched my wrist and yanked my petrified body inside the closet to hide.

I spied on him through the crack between the closet doors. Ganondorf immediately started a fire for the upcoming freezing temperature of the night. The door to his room was down the wall on our right, and the hearth was to the right of that. On the wall opposite us was the door to his washroom. Servants, us, refilled his basin with fresh water twice a day, and emptied the chamberpot. Yes, it was a job I did every once in a while, and no I did not enjoy it.

Rayne did have to close my mouth when Ganondorf removed his armor, and then peeled off his tunic. My heart raced for an entirely different reason. I saw how he still glistened with sweat in the glow of the fire.

He disappeared into the wash room and I heard an angry hiss that reminded me why I was hiding in my king's closet to begin with. There was a grunt, and a bang, but no girl-like squeal. Ganondorf bolted back into the room with a dead snake in his hand. He ripped the covers off the bed and the bugs burrowing in the sheets scattered. He realized the spiders that raced across the floor to find higher ground. Snakes slithered out of the wash room. "These women act like children!" He stomped on the fleeing bugs and kicked the snakes back from snapping at his ankles. "When I get my hands on who did this... I'll make them regret setting foot in my room!"

Ganondorf's suspicious eyes locked on the bags and the jar Rayne and I left lying on the floor in our haste. He searched for other evidence of intrusion. I swear he looked right at me then! Our eyes locked for a second! My heart stopped, and when it started again my chest ached. I could hardly breathe.

Rayne held her breath and watched as he stomped out of the room. We were no fools though. We waited a few minutes to make sure he was not coming back. Even after that we cautiously unlocked the hidden passage and escaped.